Too often, both men and women get stuck on verse 18, one of the most often misinterpreted and abused verses Paul ever wrote. We get a clearer sense of what he meant from a parallel in Ephesians 5:21, where he said “Submit to one another” before specifically speaking to wives and husbands. Verses 19 and 21 may sound mundane to us, but were revolutionary in a world where most pagan moralists lectured women and children on how to behave, with no related duties for husbands and parents.

• Paul’s command to husbands was “Husbands, love your wives and don’t be harsh with them.” In the Bible, “love” referred to a chosen set of attitudes and actions, not just an emotional state. How does this show that Paul did not intend to “let husbands off easy”? (In Ephesians 5:25, he got even more explicit: “Husbands, love your wives just like Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.”) In what ways have you seen mutual submission strengthen loving relationships?
• In Paul’s day, the Greek, Roman and Hebrew legal codes all gave parents virtually unlimited power over their children. How did Paul’s vision of family life lived under God’s principles emphasize mutual respect and caring, rather than a one-sided, tyrannical relationship? How can you, as a parent or a child, live out the principles of verses 20-21?