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Let it begin in me: Rev. Rebecca Trefz

By: Rev. Rebecca Trefz, director of ministries and clergy delegate to General Conference 2019

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Rev. Rebecca Trefz reviews legislation during special session of General Conference 2019. Photo by Dave, Stucke.

Here I sit in St. Louis, looking at the Arch out the window, watching movies I’ve already seen, and waiting for Beata to arrive (#UnitedAirlinesDelays.) I’m trying to process my thoughts and feelings at this point in the journey. Thus far the day has been filled with unexpected bumps in the road (housing mix-ups for all Dakotans!) and unexpected joys of seeing old friends and meeting new ones. It’s a strange feeling to think about the deep, life-giving, faith-challenging conversations I’ve had with so many of these people…to experience joy and laughter and hugs as we reunite in yet another city…and to realize that it will likely be difficult to maintain that same spirit as we sit on the floor of a stadium with electronic voting devices and 80 petitions in front of us. And at the same time, I try to remember that at the past two General Conferences, amidst tremendous pain and angst, there were moments when I tangibly felt the Holy Spirit grip me, break my heart and drive me to my knees.

As I was flying here today, I re-listened to the TedRadio Hour podcast about Bias and Perspective. A couple of the things they described struck me—things all humans deal with. The first was the description of confirmation bias: “We seek out information that confirms what we already think or believe.” The second was the idea of cognitive dissonance—that idea of being presented with something that doesn’t conform to our expectations—doesn’t fit our paradigm or understanding of the world—and so we seek out information that will instead confirm what we already think. We do this because cognitive dissonance is super uncomfortable! And because it’s easier to resolve it quickly (confirmation bias) rather than wrestle with that discomfort in order to see what God might want to peel away (#DieToSelf) and birth in us.

The fact that our brains innately resist cognitive dissonance and are drawn to confirmation bias isn’t just science—it’s scripture: “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.” (2 Timothy 4:3-4) I’ve seen this verse posted with a pointing finger at the “other side.” And yet reading it this week, I found myself looking around and looking in the mirror and realizing this is who so many of us have become—myself included—as we’ve sought out groups and information that echo where we are.

But I want to repent. I want God to do a new thing in me. I want God to give me courage to lean into the discomfort of cognitive dissonance—of not fully understanding or having all the answers. I want my heart to stay soft toward those who speak words into the mic that anger, baffle, or frustrate me so I can resist the easy route of confirmation bias. And I want to come away from this week with a deeper love for Jesus because he doesn’t give up on loving us and working in and through us—in the hopes that we won’t give up on loving our neighbors. As this week begins, that is my prayer.

UMC

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