Doormat image via Amazon.com; stone image by ma3dstock from Pixabay

It’s that time of year – no, not taxes, nor Christmas, but something that falls in-between: pastors’ moving month! It started right after the Dakotas Annual Conference, on June 15, and will end on July 16. Pastor families will be moving from and to all different sizes of churches and charges, saying goodbye to folks with whom they have made their home (some for many years), and saying hello to a new church family in a new town or city.

Let’s be clear about one thing – moving is hard! It’s tough on the churches and church members who have allowed a pastor to care for their spiritual life and growth, and who have cared for them through all sorts of life events. It is tough because the pastor has moved their church in, hopefully, a stronger and more missional direction. 

It is equally tough on the pastors, and especially on their families, who have made their home, and given their hearts to a group of people who now become “churches we once served.”  Besides saying goodbye to people, they change houses, many of them moving from one home they didn’t choose to live in, to a new one that they need to fit into, instead of having it suit them, and try to make it their home, at least for the length of the new appointment.

Every pastor is appointed for one year at a time. Many get reappointed to the same charge, what a relief! Can you imagine moving the entire conference each year? Some clergy retire, some are new to the ministry, or our conference. Some move, and take on a new appointment, with a whole new set of expectations and challenges and unknowns.

Let’s talk to the pastor’s families first. We know it’s hard. The last kitchen was nicer, you have just worked with the trustees to redo the bathrooms, and that yard never looked better. Now you are moving into a home where things just don’t quite fit. The kids are anxious, lonely, and know they will be going to a new school in the fall.

Clergy spouses aren’t sure what the job market holds, or if their skills will fit in this new community, and which box contains either the pots and pans or the cordless drill to put the beds together. There will be a constant parade of new things – grocery stores, clinics, schools, playgrounds. You know all too well that once again, you all will be the “new” people in town, with no roots, and frankly, limited time for the future, even if it is a long pastorate to come.

Rev. Rick Pittenger packed for the move and shared the photo on his Facebook page.

So as the pastor’s family – you need to pray. You need to take a deep breath and realize God will get you through this, and maybe even open some doors to possibilities. You will experience new relationships that you had never dreamed of developing.  Enjoy one another these first weeks and be welcoming. Be open to the kind folks who want to say hi, and get to know you, or even check you out. Keep a grand sense of humor. Some awkward things can be simply funny if we allow them to be. Get some good sleep, try to eat well, and don’t forget to treat yourselves now and then – packing, loading, cleaning, unloading, unpacking, and arranging takes an enormous amount of effort. Do it at your pace, but make yourselves at home.

As a parishioner who is receiving a new pastor, what should you do?  There’s a stranger in town, and he or she expects to lead your church. The pastor may have brought a family along.  If you got along so wonderfully with the last pastor, you might be tempted to talk about that relationship with the new pastor. Don’t do it.  They all feel lonely enough without having to get the sense that they may never measure up to the one who left.

Maybe you are delighted the last pastor finally moved, and now you may be placing huge expectations on the new pastor. Don’t do it. Instead, let the pastor, and the family be who they are. They have love to share, they need a friend, and need to start getting a sense that they belong somewhere! So, ask them what they like to eat, instead of just bringing over the three-bean casserole. Give them some gift cards if there are restaurants or grocery stores that accept them in town. Organize the church to give a “pounding,” where everyone brings a pound of flour, pound of sugar, or coffee, or pound of chocolate chips or whatever, since most likely the pastor’s family either used up, gave away, or threw out supplies they couldn’t take with them.

Make sure the parsonage is welcoming and ready. Change the locks on the parsonage and limit the number of keys available to anyone not living there.  Some parsonages might as well have the doors removed, with all of the keys having been handed out over the years! Arrange for someone to mow the parsonage lawn for a couple of weeks. Buy a subscription to the paper for six months. Above all else, make sure the parsonage is absolutely clean before the family moves in, that appropriate window coverings are up, and the appliances don’t look like they belong in a lake cabin.

It is a new life together for the pastor, the pastor’s family, and the parishioners. You will all make mistakes and need forgiveness and to forgive. Pray for each other, and smile. Give enough room and enough attention all around so that the transition can soon become comfortable. It will become a caring community that everyone wants and needs.  Hopefully, this will be the start of beautiful time for all of you, as you seek to serve Christ where you live.

Find resources for pastoral transitions here.